My Dear Boys:

Original letter from the Clopton Family Papers, Rubenstein Rare Book & Manuscript Library, Duke University.

My Dear Boys:

I greet you with much love, and wish to each of you an honorable prosperity in life and a tranquil and happy old age.  It is an unwritten law in your paternal family to keep its genealogy alive from generation unto generation.  And this, if you live, you will not neglect to do.  So far as this question goes, it matters little what Form of Government a man may live under.  Human nature is the same yesterday, to-day and forever, and the political complexion of human Government cannot change the pride of life, or lessen those longings for family distinction which inhabit the breasts of an honorable people under all Forms of Government and in all conditions of Society.

“It is an unwritten law in your paternal family to keep its genealogy alive from generation unto generation.”

The history of mankind is little else than the relation of the struggle of man and families seeking to elevate themselves above their fellow men and so acquire a permanent and enduring distinction in the annals of the human race.  This seems to be the law of man both in a natural and civilized state.  Since it is a law natural to man we need not quarrel with it.  It springs not alone from man’s physical desires, but also from his moral perceptions and aspirations.

The angels themselves vie, the one with the other, in the distinction of the services which they render to Jehovah in acknowledgement of his manifold blessings and gifts to them.  And man, it is said, is only a little lower than the angels.  This idea, if you will catch on to it, means this, to wit:  Man is blessed with the same capabilities and opportunities which the angels possessed while on earth.  The law is Thou Shalt, and Thou Shalt not.  And hence a strict compliance with this law will rise us, and each of us, now on earth to that preeminence and glory after death which the angels now enjoy.  Hence man is only a little lower than the angels, having the same provisions which were made for them while on earth, and promised the same glory hereafter which they now partake of, through an exalted and justified life.  For the accomplishment of this and it is not necessary to be ostentatious.  Far from it.  All you need is an honorable and sincere, nay, a contrite heart, filled with love and leniency and respect for your fellow man, doing unto him as you would have him do unto you at all times, intellectual honesty and an honest walk through life.  These things will poise you – they will give you noble countenance and a fearless step.  For will they interfere with the pursuit of happiness and the attainment of that honorable success which is acquired by industry, by superior attainments and an honest and constant application of time and abilities to the end in view.

Superabundant success is not desired by a wise man; for the limitations of human nature are such that a man can enjoy so much and no more, while the conditions of society, which are always molded by this same active nature, will continue to offer to him a fair and ample return for the exercise of energy and the performance of duty.  Bear then, these things in mind, and study them diligently.

“Better tenfold take any defeat,

Than rise to success by a doubtful deed;

Or coward-like after the dust and heat,

Gather safe laurels while others bleed.”

To the attainment of success and independence of thought and action it is best to be much alone; for men who comingle much in society rarely attain to preeminent success or an enduring fame.  Society men and club men are too apt to reflect the gossip and borrowed opinions of their fellows, and have little time and still less inclination for serious thought and reflections.  All great thoughts and deeds have their origin in a train of ideas which finds its root in the closet.  Look well, therefore, to this also.

Man’s sweetest and most prolific communion is with a good wife, who understands him, and who shares with him his ambitions and his labors.  Many great men have acknowledged their success in life to be in part, if not wholly, due to this fellowship and communion of a good and thoughtful and self-sacrificing wife.  I am aware that Lord Bacon throws doubt in a measure upon the marriage state as being too apt to give hostages to fortune.  The success that such an argument however would lead to is not to be desired.  It considers too much the cold and dreary end of life, without respect to those cheerful means which ennoble man and make his success a pleasure to be desired.  Besides, Lord Bacon was not a man to follow without serious questionings.  He was subject to false judgments and grave errors like the rest of us.  His intellectual and moral natures were at constant war, the one with the other, and while he was in an almost unequalled measure, a success in the former, he was a sad and appalling failure in the latter.  He cautions you well against the Idols of society – The Idols of the Tribe, of the Den, of the Market Place, and of the Theatre.  He means by all this, in short, the errors which society as a whole unconsciously and persistently fall into and worship, the errors which man individually makes and is burdened with, and the disguises and false appearances of life.

All these things should be persistently studied out and avoided in your life, because there is no excuse for ignorance in any man, no excuse for going through life burdened with the false notions of society. Or the false opinions and teachings of any man or set of men.  The way to prevent this is to be absolutely honest minded and kind hearted, sound and just in your principles and purposes, and upon these the superstructure of your life may rise, and correctly rise.

“Whenever everybody else than yourself want a thing, then is the right moment to let them have all or whatever you may have to spare.”

No man can draw correct conclusions, or deal aright with refinements and make fine distinctions, unless he is absolutely honest minded, just hearted and sound in the principles of right and wrong.  This is what makes the great lawyer, the great Judge, as well as the great man.  These things all imply too a liberalism in your judgments, which is necessary to be exercised judiciously in order to keep in touch and harmony with the changing needs and progress of society.

My dear Boys, if I write above your heads now, you will come to realize later on the full meaning of all I suggest, if you be diligent in your studies and seek the truth.  Be sure to keep your minds free from prejudice and envy at all times and on all occasions, for they are expensive guests to entertain, and worse than a spendthrift wife.  The way again to avoid this is to seek the truth even at your own expense, for there is always pleasure to be found in her company.  Beware of a man who scouts sentiment.  Such a man may obey the law, simply because he fears its vindicatory punishment in case he violates it; but, in that case, he is not a wholesome member of society, nor is he an honest man.  Obedience to law and the love of the good order and welfare of society, is the first requisite of good citizenship.  Obedience is the law of God, and a sure harbinger of success.

Remember this; and if our wish to rise do well your part in every sphere and period of life, and you will then command the respect and following of your fellowmen.  Remember the story of Joseph in Egypt.  It is best and proper for a man to cultivate the noble sentiments of life.  They beautify his life and lend charm to his character.  Posterity does not deny to man its remembrance for these things; on the contrary it beatifies and canonizes him.  When you take the heart out of a civilization, you may be sure it is toppling to decay, when revolution and bloodshed are rife in the land.

All great men have understood and felt the power of sentiment, and have not neglected to cultivate it.  It is the sentimental man who makes the best soldier, and who is warmed to his work in all the projects of his life.  You must, however, not abuse this wise and noble impulse by allowing it to dwindle into a mawkish sentimentality.  A sound judgment striking for the best results will regulate this feeling at all times.

Many men again when they wish to do a selfish act and commit a wrong, persuade themselves that they are right.  But you will remember that the standards are set and unalterable, and you must direct your conduct to them as your guides and not attempt to bend them to any false and selfish notions.  Metaphysics and moral philosophy, that is, ethics, are the best studies to open your mind to the reception of truth and discrimination.  History gives you a true insight into the experiences of men, and hence a correct knowledge of their mistakes and successes.  It would be best to study these branches diligently, for they will supply you with that information which you will need to guide you correctly and independently in all your notions.

“Never, under any provocation, let your language be vulgar or profane.”

And you will here remember this rule in matters of speculation and business, namely, whenever everybody else than yourself want a thing, then is the right moment to let them have all or whatever you may have to spare; and when no one wants it, then is the time to consider the advisability of securing it for yourself, if, I say, if, there is a prospect for its demand in the near future.

It is always best to give your fellowman a chance and not hang out for the last rise or top figure, for if you do you are tempting good fortune, and will be almost certain to fall with the crowd.  Keep your wits ever by you and make haste slowly and with great good judgment.  And let this judgment be yours, and not other people’s, unless they should happen to coincide with you.  Deceive not, lest ye be deceived.  Speak the truth at all hazards, that your word may be good with all men.  Live honestly and do your neighbor no harm, that you may be known to be honorable of all men.

“The best age for a man to marry is when he is 30 years old. A woman should not marry before she is 25 years old.”

If you would ask me for an example in patriotism, I would point you to Washington; if for broad statesmanship and political foresight, I would cite you Edmund Burke; if you would know my model in war and in the field, and my hero in death, his name is Hannibal.  The greatest master of military science the world has ever seen, the refusal and failure of his own government to support him in the heart of the enemy’s country beyond the sea, did not daunt him.  Steadfast to the last in the purposes of life, and a voluntary exile in his old age, rather than grace in chains for a Roman holiday he died a hero by his own hand.  If you would seek for examples in business life, you will find them for yourselves in accordance with the principles here laid down.  I can only give you the chart of your life.  You must be the helmsmen and must therefore steer your ship as the winds blow.  For,

“A ship where the wind

Veers oft, as oft so steers and shifts her sail.”

You should ever be master of the present, in order that you may be ready for whatever befalls the future.  You live in a time threatened with change.  And the history of mankind shows that Republics are more subject to revolutions and violent changes than are monarchies.  This is so because man is naturally restless and has greater opportunities for the exercise of his violent passions in a republic than under a monarchical form of government, where he is subject to greater restraints.

Again, let me caution you not to talk too much.  It is always best to be reserved with your opinions, but never under any circumstances be timid.  Be modest at all times with your person, and let your conversation be pure and refined, and your argument to the point.  Never, under any provocation, let your language be vulgar or profane; for that smacks too much of the barn yard, and is always a reflection on your home breeding and your parents.  Keep clear of liars and thieves and keep away from people of temper in your associations; for all these sinners are too apt to get a truthful and honest man into trouble; nor do they ever hesitate to swear your liberty and your property away.  Evil communications corrupt good manners.  Therefore, let your thoughts and habits be correct, and your associations refined and select.

In respect to marriage, that is the proper state of man in society.  A man does not learn to fulfill his obligations to society in a wide and true sense, unless he becomes both a husband and a parent.  But such an alliance is one which must not be entered into too early in life, except under the most favorable circumstances; for then a man is too apt to give hostages to fortune, which it would be grievous to redeem.  For this serious step, as with all things, there is a time, and that time must be judiciously chosen.  The best age for a man to marry is when he is 30 years old.  A woman should not marry before she is 25 years old.  After these periods, I suppose they are, both, justified in seeking marriage all the way up to 50, or even 60, but not later, because then their race is almost run, and their thoughts should be on things spiritual, in order that they may prepare for death, which comes to most men soon after that period.

Seek a wife whom you can love and adore through your wedded life, and whose memory you may cherish, in case you lose her, as a cup of water in the day of thirst.  When you get her, be kind and gentle to her, and caress her; for she will appreciate it and love you the more for it.  You can never show to a good and appreciative wife too many delicate attentions.  You should at all times be as refined in her presence and towards her as you would be in the presence of your sister or mother.  Let your happiness be her happiness and wound her not under any circumstances.  Disgrace not yourself in your marriage relation, which is sacred to an honorable man, and therefore be as constant and as true to her as the needle is to the pole.  Let neither ambition, nor temptation, or moral weakness, detract from the charm and sweetness of your marital bliss; but rather keep it holy and pure, and your bed undefiled.  A man can claim little respect who is not absolutely faithful, loving and attentive to a good wife.  Look at Napoleon; consider and follow not his example, He could win battles, but Josephine could win hearts.  And when he deserted her to satisfy a foolish thirst for family distinction and vain glory, an earthquake shook his star and burst it asunder.  It is true the fragments did not in their descent cease to illume the heavens for a while, but the light soon faded away into the silence and obscurity of St. Helena.

I had rather love a good woman and be a slave, than have this privilege denied me and be a god.  And while this is true, a bad, selfish woman is the most repulsive thing on earth, and to be shunned at all times.  Husband well both your physical and financial strength at all times, etc.

Be then of good cheer, my dear Boys, and go through life bravely and uprightly, without fear and without reproach.  Remember the teachings of your exalted mother.  Hug them close to your heart and let them cheer and guide and comfort you through life. 

Remember how gentle and thoughtful and persevering and dutiful she was in her care and guidance of you, both in health and in sickness; and keep her memory ever green and present to you to the last day of your lives.

And may all honorable success be in store for you, and each of you, and all good cheer and comfort abide with you, and each of you, throughout your lives, is the earnest and humble prayer of

Your affectionate father,

William C Clopton

To:

William Garth and Wyeth

Waldegrave Clopton.

New York, June 25th, 1895